I Want To Dance To a Different Tune

Today's music makes me wish it was yesterday.

Thirty years ago, our mothers were being serenaded by beautiful melodies accompanied by profound, heart-felt lyrics.

Eric Clapton once sang "I feel wonderful/Because I see the love light in your eyes/And the wonder of it all/Is that you just don't realize/How much I love you". Elton John wrote some of my favorite lyrics ever: "I hope you don't mind that I put down in words/How wonderful life is while you're in the world". And even though the classic "Unchained Melody", the one we all grew to love after watching "Ghost" too many times is more about longing for love than about celebrating it, you can't be blind to the fact that that song can truly melt your heart, quite literally.

Nowadays it's a different story.

Whenever I dated a guy who was weird enough to dedicate a song to me (because nowadays, ladies and gentlemen, that kind of gesture is classified under the "urban leyends" file) I would always cross my fingers and hope for the best (or, in at least one opportunity, make a run for the door). At the time, the most popular songs, and by default the more likely to be dedicated to a girl went something like "I like big butts and I cannot lie" or, later on, "it's gettin' hot in herre so take off all your clothes". Charming.

Sure, back in the day they had their fair share of the explicit... "Let's get it on", anyone? How about "Touch Me In The Morning" by Diana Ross? or that super-duper line that even though it's in French, everyone knows what it means: "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir"? Fast forward 30 years, and all we hear is "I wanna make love in this club" or "she lick me like a lollipop". And my all time favorite line: " I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love, so come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed". That naughty Fitty!!!

But the songs I really enjoy from that golden decade for music (I loooveee Disco) are the post-breakup songs. How many times have I jammed to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" after being dumped? (2 for the record) or sobbed uncontrollably that first weekend of being single again to the tune of "All By Myself"?

Men also had their share of expressing their feelings, like when they told that "American Woman" to get away from them, or felt gloomy because there "ain't no sunshine when she's gone". Eamon likes to be more specific when he says "fuck you you hoe, I don't want you back". Classy.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy some of today's music, and I'll shake it to just about anything, but I still wonder when exactly things changed, and all you needed to be a singer was a hard body and good looks. Oh well, as long as gems such as "I'm In Love With A Stripper" keep popping in the radio, I think it's worth the eye sore.

Ode To Haagen-Dasz (Old but still very true:P)

Oh Haagen-Dasz... why don't you come somewhere near me?Should I keep suffering the incompetence of Cold Stone when all I want is thee?You're so creamy... so dreamy!!!I can't go a day without thinking, how great it would be to have you close ...Since that day I saw you at that mall in that far away hood, I've been hoping you'll come close to me for good...

But is it all a dream?

Oh Haagen-Dasz! For now I shall find comfort in your low-fat pints,
And I promise never to hear those evil chants.
Just keep in mind that my heart, as my soul and tummy,
Will always belong to you, since you're so yummy!

Veggie Gone Wrong

Few words are so totally weird or so totally out of context like Eggplant.

Seriously, eggplant??? Whomever came up with that name, had clearly no clue about how to name vegetables. At least in my language, the name Berengena speaks of the color of said vegetable. It would've been very unfortunate if we had come up with Planta de Huevo. One too many sexual-innuendo jokes come to mind. I prefer the more sophisticated name Aubergine, but it seems like no one at our local supermarkets is familiar with it. Not that I buy it. The thought of it makes me shiver.
See, to me, eggplants are right up there with dog poo and vomit.
I'm known for being an excellent, will-try-anything-once eater, but eggplant... eggplant?!?! I don't know where to start... could it be the squishy and gross texture? or the mild but nausseating flavor? The only good thing about this mislabeled veggie is it's color. Many times I have seen gorgeous, beautiful mini eggplants, so cute indeed that I wanted to buy them just to hold them. Those are the times I wonder how such beauties can be so deceptively disgusting. And yes, I have tried them in many ways, but even the most seasoned piece of it turns my dinner into a nightmare.
That's why I came up with what I call the Eggplant Pledge of Zero Tolerance:
I, M. Carolina Perry (nee Rivadeneira) solemnly state that, not in pizza or in stews, not fried or steamed, not in dips or disguised under 2 pounds of parmesan cheese, I will not eat eggplants for eggplants are evil and vile and will be banned from my home for eternity. Yuck.